Embracing Body Diversity

Amidst my morning commute, I scanned to crowded train car for handles. I noticed a nearby women who was especially tall, with her head hovering an inch below the train car’s ceiling. I saw that her patterned sweater, gathered around her hunched shoulders. Noticing her posture, I wondered if she often tried to shrink herself to hide her height.


Another women weaved through the crowded car and approached her, saying, “Excuse me, I wanted to share how beautiful you are.” The confident, strong female voice came from another particularly tall tattooed woman. The woman in the patterned sweater was soft-spoken. She thanked the tattooed woman.


The tattooed woman launched into a defense of tall women. She sought to connect by commenting on “how everybody stares” and “the pros and cons at concerts.” All the while, the women in the patterned sweater smiled, nodded, and offered brief, albeit quiet, words of agreement and understanding.


The woman in the patterned sweater asked the tattooed woman about her confidence. I sensed she felt uncomfortable in her own skin and wanted desperately to understand how this tattooed woman walked with her shoulders pulled back and her head tilted high. The tattooed woman shared that its been an evolution, and that much of her confidence is in part due to her relationship with a “petite butch woman.”


The tattooed woman explained how she and her petite girlfriend commiserated about being stared at, being bullied, and feeling as though their bodies were not good enough. Despite differing in height and femininity, these women shared the same body shame. The tattooed woman explained that is was through this relationship that she gained self-acceptance and the appreciation of body diversity.


The woman in the patterned sweater reached her stop. The two tall women exchanged affirmations of each other’s beauty and parted ways.


I was moved by the intimacy and vulnerability expressed during this commute conversation. I wondered if the tattooed woman’s story offered inoculation against the shame I sensed in the woman in the patterned sweater. I was saddened by how much she seemed to try to hide herself, shrinking into her sweater and speaking in a whisper. As my mind wandered, imagining these women’s lives, I reflected on the ubiquitousness. Their body shame is the same as my body shame.


We all, especially women, and particularly women in larger or disabled bodies, feel critical of our bodies. We feel not thin enough,, not tall enough, not young enough, not toned enough, not graceful enough. For those of us with chronic health conditions and disabilities, we often feel frustrated that our bodies don’t work well enough, can’t do what we want them to do, or don’t have stamina.


And yet, look what our bodies do for us. Every body offers us life. Whether sighted or blind, hearing or deaf, tall or short, feminine or masculine, white or black, our body offers us the privilege of living on this earth. Of course that body is limited, as all bodies are. Our bodies, with their limitations, warrant compassion rather than criticism.


Beyond feeling gratitude and compassion for diverse bodies, I was also struck by the power of perspective when witnessing this conversation. These two women of comparable height had opposing reactions. The woman in the patterned sweater wanted to hide herself and minimize her height. The tattooed woman walked confidently, proud of her height and eager to compliment this trait in others. We can see the same feature as a strength and a weakness. We have the capacity to change how we relate to our bodies, and to others'. As an outsider, I easily admired both of these women for their unique and beautiful bodies. While society may try and convince us otherwise, we can see beauty, value, and strength in every body..